Dilemma

It has really been a long long time since I last updated my blog here...
Well, its the laziness which is growing inside me...

Some thoughts had been bothering me since months ago...one hand, I feel like giving up and on the other hand, I feel like giving it another few more tries...

What am I pondering about? Hiazz...the answer is second pregnancy...
It had been 2years since I had a second miscarriage and I have yet to hear the good news from "Fate"...hubby and I had been yearning to have a second one but waited in vain...and just a few months ago, we started with contraceptive measures as we agreed to stop...but I know in me, I wish to have a second one so that gal will not be alone if anything happen to us...

Why my hubby decided to stop is because he doesn't wish to see me going through another agony if it's unsuccessful again and our hopes are often dashed each month my menses comes. I understand and appreicate his concern. But occasionally, I will be wondering what is happening in my body? Why my womb is not able to hold the foetus well as I had miscarriage for two times? Is my womb too "cold"? Or isit that my fate is to has just one child to spare the suffering of the new child as I'm a very stern mother? I had tried to control the harshness of discipline...but somehow or rather, it will just erupt unknowningly...


I had make an appt with gynae without my hubby's agreement to see under fertility cases..when I told him about it, I know that he is uncomfortable with that...but I hope that medical science can help us to find out the reason why am I not able to conceive after so long...

Right now, all we have to do is to wait...